Nobody likes to talk about death. Nobody really likes to even think about death. And even having written a book about the subject makes it no easier to discuss, or to bear.
Death can happen suddenly in a tragic sense or after living a long life with all you could have imagined being enough. At anytime that this event occurs in our live’s, what we are not prepared for is the aftermath.
My grandmother was 105.9 years old and although she has only been gone for 10 days now, I still haven’t grasped that the only way I will really “see” her now is through the videos we so gratefully recorded over the last 15 years of her life or through a rare appearance in a dream.
At her age, I spent every year wondering if this was her last and I thought I was prepared for it emotionally until it happened. What I realized was that we are never prepared to lose a loved one, or know how that will affect us.
Beautiful Funeral, just perfect “after” celebration, montage ‘s and memories filled three days full of Italian food, Italian music and Italian Family. ( yes I think I gained 5 lbs) Joyous, sad, lovely and emotion filled – we all individually found a way to get though it.
Till the aftermath.
The aftermath of emotions from everyone who loved this person and the questions that linger on why she needed to do things her way.
The aftermath of stuff collected for 55 years in a house that you now needed to painstakingly go through- left me breathless.
The aftermath of a well known scent being the first thing that hits you when you walk into the now empty home.
The aftermath of waking up the next day and for the first time noticing that the laundry needs to be changed. That the emails you neglected need to be answered. The banking needs to be done, grocery shopping, Dr.appts made months ago, listening to your voicemail for the first time – reminder calls of appointments missed – shouting out to the peeps who reached out and you knew would understand that you just couldn’t answer right now. Closets still need cleaning, the refrigerator is full of last weeks food, go take the dog to the Vet and go clean your office.
Wait, Someone I loved died and I’m supposed to go back to life?
And then it hits you. The aftermath reality is that they are gone, and you must still go on. I wasn’t prepared for the feelings around the aftermath, but I am evolved enough to know that I will honor them, share them , even blog about them, and hopefully, find a way to understand that-
life? Sadly and joyfully- does truly go on. #familylove #cathslife